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Q: Why do you think your eating disorder happened?

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A: This is really an important question, I have asked this to myself every day for many years. Usually people affected by EDs have a very similar background, they all have been through hard stuff in their lives; this might be a traumatic divorce by your parents ,a loss or not having the possibility to fully enjoy your childhood. I am considered “anomalous” because none of this situation applies to me. I had a normal life and had a normal family, luckily I never saw my parents shouting at each other or engaging in a violent behaviour. The only thing I can say is that my mother was very strict with me when I was a child so sometimes our relationship was a bit conflictual. If for example I would get the highest score in an exam she would say that that is my job and I only did my duty.

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I always had the impression she would care more about what she had to do instead of which massage she would pass to her children. I never could really open with her, if I tried to explain I was feeling ugly and sad she would say I am ungrateful and have no reason to feel like that. She was repeating that word so much that I ended up believing I was ungrateful, I even thought that I had been adopted because I felt so different from the rest of my family. My parents and sister never had problems with weight and I did, they all have blue eyes and I have brown eyes, all these little things that know make me laugh used to make me feel unsuitable. That was a really hard period for me because I knew I wasn’t feeling ok and my family wouldn’t believe me.

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Being a binge eater is like living on roller coaster, there are periods where you put on a considerable amount of weight and this is of course noticeable and there are periods where you loose a considerable amount of weight and that is also noticeable. When my weight would increase my mum would tell me to stop eating and that I can’t control myself, on the other hand when I would loose weight she would say that I need to eat more and that I am not able to find  a balance. Either way I was always doing it wrong for her. I don’t want to say that she was the reason why I got EDs but definitely feeling misunderstood and undervalued made it really hard for me to feel accepted and self-acceptance is at the basis of eating disorders.

 

 

Q: Did the relationship with your mother change since you are aware of your disorder?

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A: Well, my mother doesn’t know many aspects of my therapy path, she doesn’t know I’ve been seeing a therapist and a psychiatric for months. In her opinion eating disorders and mental health in general don’t exist so she would never understand why I felt the need to ask for professional support. I used to be angry at my mother for many years of my life, I just wanted her to listen to me and show her support but I realised it is not possible; she was born and grew in different times with a different mindset and I know that she doesn’t do it on purpose. I want to heal from binge eating for myself because this has affected my life and I know my mother could have helped making the situation harder for me but I don’t want to live in the past anymore. I am focusing on myself and this is what really matters for me.

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If you want to discover more about Giorgia's experience with ED, visit the link below to read the second part of the interview.

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Giorgia's Story (Interview - Part 2)

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